my own moby dick

so hmmm maybe it's classic holiday depression but I really don't like the holidays and thankfully I am avoiding all family get togethers by disappearing for thanksgiving (each family gathering thinks I'm at the other...) and driving to my best friends in boston for christmas (like last year). However it doesn't resolve the fact that I'm tired with my life. I love my job but other then that I'm sick of dealing with my life.

Including,

my family and the gay issue and I've only came out to my oldest brother and his wife.

school, and trying to graduate

debt

health issues

my lack of living conditions

the worlds problems (I really don't give a fuck about all the current events and just want to live my own little life, but alas that is not possible...)

I just want a real family that cares or maybe I want my own family where I fall sadly in love with some random guy and we make a life together (I don't know if I'm willing to allow myself to do this, that is the love part...?)

anyway what I really want to say is why can't I follow the one thing that some old church literature said that has always been on my mind, (seriously I can remember hearing it as a teenager and I think about it often)

basically to the effect of "[the purpose of life is to] learn to live life happily"

so like my long lost friend ZINJ I just want to disappear into nothingness... speaking of which HAS ANYBODY HEARD FROM HIM?

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

WOW,

where to start... from my second to last post talking about a kid at the U that committed suicide has come some interesting aftermath, part of what I write on here is just to archive some information for myself. the other reason I bring this up is because recent posts by Even and Michael about suicide...

As far as I can tell there was an outcry from friends and family because of the "disrespect" that was taken from the article and it seems like to me the comments were disabled on the article, thanks to google cached memory (or whatever you call what google does) these are the comments that were said... (***found at the end of this post*** I didn't read them all but I want them here if I ever do want to read them... from what I read I was kinda ticked at what I read...)

so then I wrote the editor and then I wrote the chick that wrote the article... (responses if any will follow when I get them)

it sounds like you got some grief from this...? whats going on am I right when I say the comments were disabled? thanks for bringing something I feel as important to my attention otherwise I never would of known... please let me know what went on here...?

right on, your form to submit letters isn't working so I hope this will get where it needs to go to bring up in my mind a valid argument to something that seems it being covered up...

WOW, I'm sure the controversy that came from the article on Nick Judge (who committed suicide Oct 2nd) has gone un-noticed to most people, I think you (the chrony) even disabled all the comments on the article. Thanks to google cached memory I could view a small portion of the argument that ensued. I think the article was very pertinent to students and I am glad it was brought to my attention.

this was my comment if I could of published it... According to an article in the Deseret Morning News of April 23, 2006, Utah leads the nation in suicides of men age 15-24. IS this a problem? I think it is, and it needs to be addressed no matter how hard or difficult it is to talk about. WAS it because of a hard class? who knows, but don't ignore the facts, I'm sorry for everyone that is offended by this but at least the truth was told.

obit from des news

Nick Judge 1989 ~ 2009 Nick Judge passed away in the home he loved. He was in pain in a way his family and friends did not know or understand. He left this world on October 2nd, 2009. Nick was a beloved son, brother, friend and uncle. He graduated from Highland High School with high honors. He was in his third year at the University of Utah, majoring in Mechanical Engineering. He was the most inventive and creative builder and designer many have ever known. He was a constant source of fun and entertainment. Nick also loved tutoring high school students at Highland High. He loved music, snowboarding, riding his bullet bike, camping, backpacking, and watching planes with his father. He was preceded in death by his grandmother, Norma Dalton; aunt, Joan Garrison; uncle, Jerry Judge; and brother, Christopher Fieseler. He is survived by his father, Peter Judge; mother, Darlene Judge; siblings, Cyndi Wheatley, Jason Fieseler, Bonnie Judge, and Jeremy Judge. Nick was the loving uncle to Breylyn Esch and Isaiah Wheatley; and best friend to Easton Cook. We know Nick will be missed by all who knew him. Our family's deepest gratitude is extended to all friends who have expressed sympathy and support. "No man hath greater love than one who lays down his life for the sake of others." Friends and family are invited to join us for a Memorial Service on Friday, October 9th, 2009 at 4:30 p.m. at the Christ Lutheran Church located at 240 East 5600 South.

comments from the "chrony"

Your name

Sun Oct 11 2009 16:55

This it the worst article I have ever read. Not only is it offensive to the family and to the memory of Nick, but it is poorly written. This article should be pulled and Rita Totten should only be allowed to write on toilet paper which I will then use to wipe my ass. Respect.

CJH

Sun Oct 11 2009 10:17

Unfortunately, there is nothing that can really be done in this situation. The words have been thoughtlessly printed, the irrevocable damage done. Those of us who know the Judges and who knew Nick will always hold a very private, very special place in our hearts for them... To accept what has happened and move forward in his honor, bringing to life his memory from time to time, and remembering what joy and happiness he brought to each of us - that's what we need to do in honoring this extraordinatry young man's life and memory. It really is unfortunate that the writer didn't know Nick - the article would have indeed been more reflective of the man we knew and loved...her loss.

Your name

Sun Oct 11 2009 00:26

RB- I personally don't think that anyone should be trying to make an excuse for Ms Totten's poor excuse for an article, and for making it seem as though she interviewed a family that she REALLY DID NOT EVEN INTERVIEW (this is a fact, people. A hardcore fact!). She DID NOT interview this family. The family did not give their permission for such information to be reported; and as a student paper, the "how" of a suicide should not have found it's way into the Chronicle. Shame on the writter and shame on the person who let Ms. Totten run this article. SHAME ON YOUR CHRONICLE! SHAME ON YOU MS. TOTTEN FOR REPORTING INFORMATION THAT WAS NOT YOUR RIGHT TO REPORT. YOU HAVE GENUINELY UPSET THIS FAMILY IN MORE WAYS THAT YOU CAN IMAGINE. THEY DID NOT GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO RUN SUCH INFORMATION! SHAME ON YOU!

Your name

Sun Oct 11 2009 00:19

The Judge family did not even know that they were being interviewed. So yes, I do believe that Ms. Totten acted out of selfishness and with disrespect for the family.

Hilda

Fri Oct 9 2009 16:55

This article was not only written by a 2 year old but worst of all...so disrespectful!! You absolutely had no permission to report this..this conversation was between two friends which one of them decided to take it upon herself and run with it!! Rita Totten Rotten should know better then to invade a family's tragedy!! NO EXCUSE!!

RB Scott

Fri Oct 9 2009 14:03

I know neither the Judge family nor the reporter Rita Totten. Nor do I know the arrangements and agreements the family made before talking to a reporter about Nick Judge's death. I/we can only guess. It's pretty unlikely that Ms. Totten acted maliciously and it's obvious that the Judges were quite cooperative. The challenge then becomes: where to draw the line. One man's "compelling story" is another's "invasion of privacy." Could the story be better? Absolutely. The pieces Ms. Totten produces tomorrow and the next day will be better than the one she wrote yesterday. I note also that newspapers and magazines have written explicitly about the horrors Elizabeth Smart endured as a captive. All of us feel for her like we do the Judges. Silence serves no useful purpose that I can see.

Boston, MA.

Annie

Fri Oct 9 2009 12:11

Judge Family and Friends - as a fellow classmate and someone who knew Nick, I apologize for this story and the additional pain I'm sure it's caused you during this time.

Becca

Fri Oct 9 2009 12:01

A matter of public record, correct. But when a family 'invites' you into their lives during such a tragic time, asking you to perhaps help by sharing in some of their story so that a similar situation might be prevented, you would think that you'd be honored to share in their moment of grief and respect both the deceased and his survivors. Looks like insensitive and bad reporting judgement on the part of the Chronicle.

Jack

Fri Oct 9 2009 11:53

"Curious" - maybe friends of Nick just want the author of this story to feel a slightly similar 'pain' that the family felt when they first read the article? Insensitive to the author? I think not...

"RB" - given this situation, does the 'how' really even matter - I think that's what the issue is here...

Cheryl

Fri Oct 9 2009 11:46

RB - your paragraph, "Although it is unclear, it appears that members of the Judge family wanted the story of their son’s/brother’ssuicide told. Perhaps they hoped the telling would prevent others – young people temporarily overwhelmed by one class or another, personal disappointments and setbacks – from contemplating such dramatic and irreversible non-solutions. If this is the case, the Judge family acted commendably." hits the nail on the head! That is what their desire was/is...how it got to the story which has been published it unclear...

Curious

Fri Oct 9 2009 10:16

I repeat my question: Cut the sentence below?

RB Scott

Fri Oct 9 2009 10:16

First, a few words about standards and practices from an aging journalist (and father of college age children) on the East Coast who got his start writing and editing for The Chrony:

--Anything on the public record – births, deaths, arrests, and marriages – may be published. Newspapers of public record routinely choose to limit their reports on suicides to the bare essentials. On occasion – usually with encouragement from surviving family members – reports are more detailed.

-- Despite some letter writers’ claims to the contrary, journalists are trained to report the who, when, what, where and why of the story, as well as the “how.”

Although it is unclear, it appears that members of the Judge family wanted the story of their son’s/brother’ssuicide told. Perhaps they hoped the telling would prevent others – young people temporarily overwhelmed by one class or another, personal disappointments and setbacks – from contemplating such dramatic and irreversible non-solutions. If this is the case, the Judge family acted commendably.

Rita Totten showed courage and sensitivity in covering this sad event. However, this kind of tragic story, especially, deserves very careful reporting, sensitive writing as well as an extra round or two of tough editing.

Pissed off family friend

Fri Oct 9 2009 10:15

Where is the respect for the this young man and his family! Details to this level are completly disrespectful!!!

Rita Totten should be demoted to reporting on grounds keeping events!!!

Where is the editor??? Honestly, you all shoudl be ashamed and embarassed.

Curious

Fri Oct 9 2009 10:01

So, basically, everyone and their dog hates this sentence: "Bonnie Judge said she found a bag over her brother’s head, but she thinks he took sleeping pills." Why not ask to cut that? Isn't that what we're really upset about? How much does the grammar actually apply to our outrage? Did we just equate our hate for insensitivity to our hate of 3rd grade writing skills? And the AUTHOR is INSENSITIVE? What are we?

Mary

Fri Oct 9 2009 05:36

To Nick's family - on behalf of the more compassionate student body here at the "U", we want you to know that we are sincerely sorry for your loss. Nick was a wonderful young man. He would literally do anything for anyone who asked. He will always be remembered as someone who made a positive impact on the lives he touched. He was caring, generous and someone with true integrity. He will be dearly missed. It is not important to us how he left us, he will always be remembered for what he brought into each of our lives. God bless you. He certainly blessed us by allowing each of us to know your son, and our friend, Nick.

John