Sunday, November 18, 2007

On Friday mornings I volunteer to drive senior citizens to doctor appointments across Salt Lake county. My first pick up was is Sandy City and as I dropped down one of the many hills there was a cop at the bottom waiting for the unlucky person who was not paying attention. My first ever speeding ticket was received shortly thereafter. Did I mention I was doing service for old people...? (I'm not bitter, really...) I guess it had to happen someday and this is probably the best way it could have happened since I don't feel bad at all.

As for my life, my best friend is under the impression that I need to out myself to my dad. I can see her point, that I need to get over it and move on with my life and in telling him that I'm gay will be the hardest thing I have to do so then I can just move on. There are a few little problems though, I have never got along with him and we don't see eye to eye. SO thats not a big deal I don't care, things can't get any worse then they already are. In the past when I was to the point of telling him it was because of spite, now it is just because... It is the way it is, and if he can't deal with it o'well. At the same time I never want to tell him or my family because I want to deal with this on my own. When life comes to an end I want them to be surprised that I kept it to myself and delt with it by myself. That might not make sense, but I see the flaws in it and I know what I have to do. Its just when will it happen, if my friend gets her way it will be this weekend. So we'll see what happens...

Monday, November 12, 2007

and so it starts

I just checked out the book "moby dick". I REALLY like the first paragraph or so and will type it out at the end of this post. I like to read but I think that herman melville (1819-1891) the guy that wrote it is just a little to old? I don't know but other than the first paragraph I can't get into it, I think I would like it but o'well

all this has led to what my profile states is my "voyage" I am really intrigued by "alex supertramp" the kid the book "into the wild" is about. I am sick of what my life has been up to this point, and I am trying to change that. I am not holding back as much as I used to when it comes to the lame things of life. I hope though I can control this cause the last thing I want is to go off the deep end.

I guess this calls for a little history. I grew up LDS and I am gay.

Well I guess thats all the history needed... ok more seriously I join the ranks of the gay lds blogging community though I don't like to follow the norms... I however don't want to get off on the wrong foot. I am glade I was brought up with the standards I have but now I need to move on.

so this is it. I will try not to hold grudges but they will probably shine through since I am at heart very pessimistic not having anything to do with my childhood... (see that is an example...)

"Call me Ishemael. Some years ago - never mind how long precisely - having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen, (*violent feelings and displays of irritation or anger...) and regulating the circulation. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos (* "the blues") get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking peoples's hats off - then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. This is my substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the ship. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean with me. "

- The first paragraph of Moby Dick by Herman Melville with subscripts by Hershel Parker and Harrison Hayford "A norton critical edition, second edition" 2001 (so I never paid attention to citing your references in school but I think I gave enough credit to the right people?)