Sunday, October 26, 2008

re: hope

again it is late and again I have a 5 page paper due tomorrow that I haven't started writing... what is wrong with me...? I have been dealing with and accepted being gay for close to 3 years now (I'm not out) but I still think about it constantly... the video circulating around about hope a quote from harvey milk I guess is something that I need to take to heart... I really don't give myself credit for being smart/successful I think it is part of being so negative for so long, but when it comes to school I have to force myself to complete an assignment and it is done at the last minute and very half ass... I have NO ambition I have NO hope... I don't know how to find it either...
I guess I kind of enjoy my life... since I dropped out of the church I have truly stopped hating myself and I can live day to day pretty happy... now the next step would be hope I guess and I need to figure out how to find it...

3 comments:

Robert said...

In a way, I think what needs to happen would be for you to say, "Well, hell. I'm me. I like bikes, dudes, I've got my good friends, I love shooting and camping, and sooner than later, I'm going to finish college. I'm down with being me, it sounds pretty damn good in fact."

Seriously man, you are a really unique and cool guy. How many people out there do you know that are anything like you and have experienced stuff even similar to what you've experienced and are experiencing? Listen to and believe me when I say that you're a really cool guy and you've got many reasons to be chill to be exactly who you are. I'm not just saying that. I mean it man.

If you figure out how to be comfortable as you, it'll change your world. I promise. I'm not there right now; but, I've been here in the past and it's amazing to do what you do and be proud of everything that you do. Others feel different when they're around you cause you're different: you're chill to be you as you are now. That doesn't mean that you're not ashamed of something you've done, or that you don't have things that you'd like to change or improve. It just means that, as you are now, you're cool with it - realizing that you're changing as each day passes - but you're cool with who you are now.

So...that was more than I intended to write. Believe me on it. See if it sounds right to you. Love ya man. We have fun. Later bro.

Z i n j said...

maybe I'm too down to appropriately comment....
your statement>>>

"I guess I kind of enjoy my life... since I dropped out of the church I have truly stopped hating myself"

this really makes me sad. I'm happy that your happy.... it's just that if there is any place to gain happiness it should be with the gospel / church. It should be the last thing that brings hate to ourselves. How could this be? I'm lost and it hurts.
What hope do you seek? I really am happy that your happy. It just me.



and I can live day to day pretty happy... now the next step would be hope I guess and I need to figure out how to find it...

Alan said...

Cadence:

What are you passionate about?