Friday, January 2, 2009

20 09

I'm sure everyone has heard of Father Mychal Judge, a chaplain for the NYFD who died in the 9/11 attacks. I remember hearing about him but knew nothing about him. Over the holiday I have been at my friends house and he subscribes to netflix (which I am a HUGE fan of now... you can stream tons of movies onto your TV instantly...). I watched a documentary entitled "The Saint of 9/11" in general it was really well done but in it they talked about how he was gay. This was totally insane, I was caught off guard that this man who is in part a hero that many many people look up to is gay and it gave me hope at the same time. I know that all the people around him knew this and they still respected him, I also know there are many people that aren't phased by gay people. I think that the LDS church is on a different level, and definitely Utah is too. What has to be done to get the church caught up to current times?

I don't know what this year has in store for me, I HOPEFULLY will graduate and then in my mind I will start living my life. I know there are flaws in this way of thinking but I will be freed from family expectations and will move on with my life. (yes there are many exceptions to this including marriage and the fact that I'm gay... but that will all be dealt with in time...) I think that is why I'm so excited/nervous for this year because I know that at the end of it I will be somewhere but I have no idea where. As in previous years I knew that at the end I would still be going to school and that was pretty much it, now I should be done and have no clue what the end of this year will bring. That is why I say I can actually start living my life. I am completely excited but at the same time a little worried. There is so much worth living for and I want so much out of my life but I know that I will get overwhelmed and become depressed at points. I just hope things work out for the best. I thought at the beginning of 2008 that it was going to be a good year and that something amazing was going to happen but I don't remember thinking anything else, so I guess I was just a little early in my thinking. Now this year I know that in 363 days I hope I will look back and be amazed at it all.

a list of resolutions/goals (more goals...)

b. go to Alaska
c. have a budget/"get out of debt"
d. become "at peace" with myself (remember the experiences that I have witnessed that make me want to live...)
e. figure out a direction to take my "new" life
f. move somewhere with warmer winters...
g. stay close to people I have met that give me hope/reason to live (including moho's and whoever else)
h. come out to my family?
i. maybe some type of relationship

I told my friends that if nothing else happens but at the end of the year I have graduated I will be completely satisfied/euphoric.


Sean said...

Your list looks like they are achievable to me. Just don't forget them and keep on working on them. Happy new year and may it be a good for you!

redtown said...

RE: your Resolutions:

"Just trust in God. He'll let you know what to do next."
--- Father Mychal Judge