Monday, February 9, 2009

holy hell

Ok, I just sent this letter to my sister in laws sister... (confusing yes) but once you read it you'll understand, basically there is NO turning back... I trust her that she will keep it a secret and I'm sure she will help me but I guess I'll see what happens...

her name, (sorry I'm not good at making up names...)

I'm writing you to ask for some advice, I don't want you to get the wrong idea so whatever your thinking it's not that, just keep reading...
I have always felt comfortable around you, yes I'm sure you realize your sisters can be a little intimidating to someone not familiar to your family. (you never had the naivety that comes with being from Utah) Anyway your probably curious why I'm writing you an email. But I have always know I could talk to you about anything. Please don't be offended by this because the way I say it, it might not come out the way I want it to but you are different then your sisters. I can't remember the first time I met you specifically but I assume it was during a christmas... anyway like I said I didn't feel awkward around you, where as it took awhile before I was comfortable around everyone else. I felt like you never saw my situation as strange and was just a genuine friend? (trust me I thought it was very out of the ordinary)
anyway the reason I am writing to you is because I am looking for advice and I know you won't judge me for the reason. I know it is only a matter of time before it becomes apparent. I might as well just tell you straight out but again right now I tell you this in the strictest of confidence. her name, I am "gay" and by that I mean homosexual. Now that you know I am first curious to your initial reaction. (from the few friends I have told they are not all that surprised when it is all added up, but I'd like to think I have done a good job in masking it...) and another thing I don't want you to feel guilty for "harassing" me about a girlfriend, it doesn't really bother me.
Anyway, now you know what kind of situation I'm in.
Overtime I have personally come to terms with this (basically I have know since before I was 12 but didn't realize what it meant till much later). I'm sure you're kind of shocked but nothing as to what others will be. This is why I need someone on the "inside" that can give me advice as to how to "come out." I'm not in too big of rush but I don't want to be put on the spot when people might add things up. I want to do it in a way that is sincere with respect to everyone's feelings.
Don't get me wrong, there have been times in my family that I wanted to do it in a way that would be rude and hurtful. But when it comes to your family that has never been the case. And when it comes to the connection between your family and mine, that is where I need the help. Overall with time I'm sure your sister will be okay with it (I hope) and I don't have a problem with (my brother) but together I have no clue where to start.

Thanks for "listening" (reading)
me

2 comments:

Michael said...

good luck with this. I am sure they will be a lot more supportive than you imagine. I know with my family, I have been surprised at how it was handled. We still don't talk about it, but it feels a lot better being honest. Good luck. If you ever need someone to listen, you know where to find me.

Scott said...

Congratulations! This is a good step forward. I hope that your letter is well-received and that things go well for you.