Sunday, February 15, 2009

the response to the reply

this might be getting confusing but basically I am doing it so I can have a record of what happens...


I'm not sure where to start other then to say thanks... At the moment I am just taking life as it comes and not doing anything extreme in any direction. I know that most people in the church understand what it means to be "gay" but for those that don't know anyone personally I think it would be hard to recognize it or to be suspicious of it. I guess the next step is to find out what my brother thinks... For me, a huge red flag is it is pretty obvious that I don't date, I know that doesn't mean much but sometimes I wonder if people are adding things up in their heads... I guess out of everyone I would have thought you would be the one to figure it out first so I'm doing pretty good if I caught you off guard. Don't get me wrong I think I'm close to being ready to talk to my brother so I'll let you know...

Here is a little history if your interested. Basically after I came home from my mission I was at a high point in my life when it came to the gospel. This went on for about a year, however reality is hard to ignore and this issue was ALWAYS on my mind. Trying to realize what it all meant and where I stood with what I knew to be true (the gospel) and what I couldn't deny (the "feelings") so basically I was bashing my head against a brick wall which isn't healthy by any means... my life literally was falling apart in front of me and I didn't know what to do. (a side note your parents were/are amazing people and true example of showing the pure love of Christ)

I needed to be alone to figure things out, I know this isn't good. (This is basically why I am starting to make things "public"). I know that I could of stayed at your parents home through my career at [unnamed college] but I always kinda of felt guilty for whatever reason... (again I know this feeling wasn't justified but I think it had to do with getting away from everything) regardless I had a good job and so I moved in with a friend...

I pretty much just pressed pause and got through [unnamed college] but again I was pretty much constantly thinking about some aspect of what everything meant. When I moved to SLC to continue going to the U of U I was naive in thinking I could keep ignoring it. I was going into chemistry which is a STRESSFUL major when your focused, so again things quickly feel apart. I basically dropped out of school the first semester I got here. (nobody knows this little fact) Somehow I heard of a major called environmental studies and I looked into it, it was basically a major created just for me... it involves a lot of science with very little (almost no) math.

SO I started over the next semester and completly LOVED ALL my classes.

That was a year ago now, I am really close to graduation but I think I am going to have to go next fall semester because of the inevitable missing credit that you don't realize until it's too late... and now I am also trying to deal with the other side of me in a more open way, hence why I emailed you to get things moving... So again to bring it full circle I am just taking things as they come and not doing anything drastic. I guess I will go into the chruch in my next email but I need to send this so I don't keep you waiting...

1 comment:

Michael said...

Good! I hope all goes well...It is awesome to be on the other side...I know those that love you will accept you for you! Keep your head held high.