Monday, April 6, 2009

3 weeks later

ok I don't know what it is but I think more honest conversations come through written methods like email... I emailed my brother because I didn't know how to tell my sister in law... this is his reply...

Get married to a nice girl and have four kids. Get insurance. Be happy and independent and successful. Then you won't disappoint or hurt her. My only concern is that you don't molest any of our children, since they say 90% of abuse comes from a close relative. While the our family is completely dysfunctional, my family is Utah normal. Spoiled kids, messy house, good income, popular in the church and neighborhood. Gay brother coming out of the closet. She will deal with it. Tell her. We love you and want the best for you. Not the gay best, the "Get married to a nice girl and have four kids. Get insurance. Be happy and successful" best.

so I don't know how to reply to this, I'm pretty sure he wasn't serious about the molesting part at least not totally serious, if he was that hurts a lot... I see that he cares but he is completely clueless to the whole issue... which is understandable since he never has dealt with this, so I guess time will tell with what happens... anyway I don't know why I'm posting this I guess if someone has some ideas for the next step that would be nice...

6 comments:

Kengo Biddles said...

For most people who don't know people like us (really) they immediately suspect that sexual abuse = homosexual.

96% of abuse is perpetrated by a straight relative.

So maybe it's just education?

Cadence said...

thanks, I believe most of it has to do with education, before I told him he was pretty much oblivious to this "world" so that is a good statistic do you have some background / reference on it? I think I just don't know how to respond to him mainly cause how he said that... also thinking it's as easy as marrying a "nice girl and having four kids" so yeah... I guess education will come just the process will be slow and in some cases painful...

El Genio said...

Wow, that letter was extremely selfish. Here you have taken the incredibly brave step to open up to your brother about something very important, and all he can do is tell you not to molest his kids? My knee-jerk reaction to this letter would probably be to simply cut off contact completely. Of course, I don't necessarily think that's the right step.

On a more positive note, it sounds like he could benefit from some reading on the issue. At the very least, God Loveth His Children, In Quiet Desperation, or No More Goodbyes would be helpful.

I am sorry you had to receive something like that. :(

Ezra said...

Just... wow. I am speechless.


Does he realize how selfish he's asking you to be?

Robert said...

That's tough. You know your brother the best, so, somehow, you've got to get him to look at it and understand what he clearly doesn't understand. Wow, man. I really hope that he's more open to you than his letter puts out. I agree with El Genio, get him some material adn if he isn't willing to be open to you and your life, then agree to disagree but he's got to be respectful toward you adn love you - even if you guys disagree on something. You're a stud man.

P.S. I might have my bike sold tomorrow...Hayabusa, here I come! ;) Yahoo!

Z i n j said...

Hi my Bohemian biker friend....are you kid'in about Alaska and the bus? What a riot if it is to be. I want details. Jealousy will get you nowhere with me, My hiatus may also be interesting. I've got kool new gear on the way.....by the way I wish you luck with the family. Believe you me....it can be fun. Thats why i'm hiding in the family cabin. The trolls are out.

Seriously stay kool, pass those classes (not gases), be safe and kiss that bus.