so hmmm maybe it's classic holiday depression but I really don't like the holidays and thankfully I am avoiding all family get togethers by disappearing for thanksgiving (each family gathering thinks I'm at the other...) and driving to my best friends in boston for christmas (like last year). However it doesn't resolve the fact that I'm tired with my life. I love my job but other then that I'm sick of dealing with my life.
my family and the gay issue and I've only came out to my oldest brother and his wife.
school, and trying to graduate
my lack of living conditions
the worlds problems (I really don't give a fuck about all the current events and just want to live my own little life, but alas that is not possible...)
I just want a real family that cares or maybe I want my own family where I fall sadly in love with some random guy and we make a life together (I don't know if I'm willing to allow myself to do this, that is the love part...?)
anyway what I really want to say is why can't I follow the one thing that some old church literature said that has always been on my mind, (seriously I can remember hearing it as a teenager and I think about it often)
basically to the effect of "[the purpose of life is to] learn to live life happily"
so like my long lost friend ZINJ I just want to disappear into nothingness... speaking of which HAS ANYBODY HEARD FROM HIM?